Now i felt the need to this because i know people maybe dont understand whats been going on with me lately. Well in a nutshell for the last week and a half as far as i remember or maybe even longer i have been down in the dumps, un happy, and lonely. Day after day and for some reason sleep (which btw usually helps me feel better) well it has not for some reason lately. So what has caused this well the number one answer i give is that i have no friends where i live. I should point out by that i mean of my own age and that i used to talk to all the time and grew up with.
So what do i think caused me to have no friends where i live. Well oddly enough im pretty sure i know why and well it is something that i would never want to change about myself. The reason is at least as far as i know because i came out as a loud and proud atheist.
Ok that is understood but you would think in any place there would surely be other atheists like me right? Well as far as i have seen and can tell the answer is no. No there are no other atheist my age where i live and grew up. How do i figure this? well there are more churches than i count where i live which makes it all christian. And well if your an atheist in all christian town then well its not hard to figure out that its just a recipe for disaster. BTW by disaster i mean a social life disaster. So im pretty much isolated.
But as far as isolation goes do they really deserve all the blame. Well no but they deserve at least some of it probably. But another reason im so isolated, and probably have no friends where i live is because i have failed to get my drivers at this point. Ah driving the one thought that im so afraid of. The one thing that well ik i have all the tools so to speak and know how to do but im so scared to do it. So what am i so scared of well when people ask me i say its the thought that one day i will have to drive all alone to places (which is funny considering im usally all alone at home during my periods off periods from college anyway). But does it go deeper than that. Maybe im no expert in psychology. What else could it be?
Well as far as a convo with a really good older friend and a mother revealed there are about two other things it could be but idk if one of em has anything to do with it. Maybe its because my dad put so much pressure on me to even get my learners that it has drove me away from getting my drivers (probally not considering it was his pressure that made me get my learners in the first place) so maybe what i need is alot of pressure on me and id fianlly get i. of course then i get so angry at times that i might lose alot of my family over it.
The second possibilty is that maybe i have an anexity problem and dont like getting out of my comfort zone and thats why i dont like driving and cant/wont get my drivers. Which could indirectly be leading to my unhappyness and stuff.
I thought going on this little rant if you will about dirving was important because its possible that maybe there are other athiests i could meet and be friends with where i lvie if i would jsut drive. Then again maybe though i doubt it there are some xtains (christians) who would accept me if i could get out and drive.
Anyway thats the reason i give people for why i have been so unhappy/depressed once again the reason is that i have no friends where i live who are my age or whom i grew up with. Is it cause of my athiesm or cause i dont drive? That is something i really dont know.
What are some other reasons?
-maybe depression is just something i have like the mental illness cause ive been battling it alot of my lfie atleast since i was a teenager.
-Maybe i aint been getting enough sleep cause i stay up till sometimes 2 oclock texting and on my phone.
-maybe its cause i am alone so much at home.
I really dont know. Im sure of one thing though i will make it through this and i will never give up. I made i through my dad dying when i was still in high school and made it through his death nd a house fire when i was still in high school. (i even got an award for my bravery the heart if a dragon award that my high school just happened to have started whne i was a senior).
And jsut to finish up im sry if i havent been as good a friend/best friend/bestie that i maybe could have been.
Anyway theres my explaintion? idk how good it is but anyway there it is.
-Jamie G.
p.s I cant help to add i made it through what happened while i was in hgih schol not cause some of some god watching over me and helping me get through it. I made it through it cause of my own courage and with help form family and at that time friends.
So what do i think caused me to have no friends where i live. Well oddly enough im pretty sure i know why and well it is something that i would never want to change about myself. The reason is at least as far as i know because i came out as a loud and proud atheist.
Ok that is understood but you would think in any place there would surely be other atheists like me right? Well as far as i have seen and can tell the answer is no. No there are no other atheist my age where i live and grew up. How do i figure this? well there are more churches than i count where i live which makes it all christian. And well if your an atheist in all christian town then well its not hard to figure out that its just a recipe for disaster. BTW by disaster i mean a social life disaster. So im pretty much isolated.
But as far as isolation goes do they really deserve all the blame. Well no but they deserve at least some of it probably. But another reason im so isolated, and probably have no friends where i live is because i have failed to get my drivers at this point. Ah driving the one thought that im so afraid of. The one thing that well ik i have all the tools so to speak and know how to do but im so scared to do it. So what am i so scared of well when people ask me i say its the thought that one day i will have to drive all alone to places (which is funny considering im usally all alone at home during my periods off periods from college anyway). But does it go deeper than that. Maybe im no expert in psychology. What else could it be?
Well as far as a convo with a really good older friend and a mother revealed there are about two other things it could be but idk if one of em has anything to do with it. Maybe its because my dad put so much pressure on me to even get my learners that it has drove me away from getting my drivers (probally not considering it was his pressure that made me get my learners in the first place) so maybe what i need is alot of pressure on me and id fianlly get i. of course then i get so angry at times that i might lose alot of my family over it.
The second possibilty is that maybe i have an anexity problem and dont like getting out of my comfort zone and thats why i dont like driving and cant/wont get my drivers. Which could indirectly be leading to my unhappyness and stuff.
I thought going on this little rant if you will about dirving was important because its possible that maybe there are other athiests i could meet and be friends with where i lvie if i would jsut drive. Then again maybe though i doubt it there are some xtains (christians) who would accept me if i could get out and drive.
Anyway thats the reason i give people for why i have been so unhappy/depressed once again the reason is that i have no friends where i live who are my age or whom i grew up with. Is it cause of my athiesm or cause i dont drive? That is something i really dont know.
What are some other reasons?
-maybe depression is just something i have like the mental illness cause ive been battling it alot of my lfie atleast since i was a teenager.
-Maybe i aint been getting enough sleep cause i stay up till sometimes 2 oclock texting and on my phone.
-maybe its cause i am alone so much at home.
I really dont know. Im sure of one thing though i will make it through this and i will never give up. I made i through my dad dying when i was still in high school and made it through his death nd a house fire when i was still in high school. (i even got an award for my bravery the heart if a dragon award that my high school just happened to have started whne i was a senior).
And jsut to finish up im sry if i havent been as good a friend/best friend/bestie that i maybe could have been.
Anyway theres my explaintion? idk how good it is but anyway there it is.
-Jamie G.
p.s I cant help to add i made it through what happened while i was in hgih schol not cause some of some god watching over me and helping me get through it. I made it through it cause of my own courage and with help form family and at that time friends.
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